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September 12th, 2010

11:10 pm: afterlife experinces?
I always wondered what death would be like
Especially when duke died and came back
And said he didn't see light
Was that a glimpse into eternal sleep? no afterlife?
Or promise of hell? the mystery as dark as the night
All signs told me my days were numbered walking the earth
And I'd go out just as bloody as I did on my birth
My mother in pain she's still alive feeling the hurt
But my agony died with me when the weaponry burst
Was it my destiny to lead a caravan in a hearse?
I always thought I'd lead revolutionary victory first
But my enemy caught me slipping and dealt me the curse
Now all my mind could think about is this verse

July 19th, 2010

04:55 am: i might get knuckle tattoos one day that say DEUS MECH

July 2nd, 2010

07:55 am: life on mars
woo hoo! i just got my holga working (i think) right now. its about 730 in the morning and i have to go to probation in a few hours. i hope they dont arrest me, i dont think i made the last payment and i really want to use this camera today. its too nice and rainy to be in jail. hopefully ill have some bad ass negatives to post up on here. i loaded it with the 35mm color film so it will be the sprocket hole type. its nice to have a hobby thats not illegal. come to think about it im not really living illegal anymore. i pay for all my food, i dont sell drugs, im about to buy a registered motorcycle with legitimate money, going to school to get a public service job with benefits, shit, i dont even smoke weed anymore hahaha. its kind of cool. definitely not as boring as i thought. when you do stuff the way your supposed to it takes forever. all this paper work and money earning is so slow, plus its really easy to get set back. oh well, i dont want to go to jail

i haven't been remembering my dreams lately. i guess its because i only sleep about every other day so when i do knock out i pass out too hard and cant remember anything. i think ill start taking melatonin every day and working out. that should do the trick.

by the way black moth super rainbow is amazing
i think its beautiful that your 256 colors tooCollapse )

June 28th, 2010

05:01 am: quick lil post
so im finaly moved back in with my parents. i know, its lame but i really wasnt expecting to be dropped from emt school like that and besides it wasnt my fault believe it or not. anyways its not that bad. i cleaned out the attic and its actually bigger than my old apartment. im really surprised how chill it is up here and i have a trap door to the garage. i can play my system at full volume and no one calls the cops, free food, its not that bad but this is like emergency plan d. im definitely not staying here for very long. fuck that. seriously i had to fix my bike because no busses even come close to here.

gotta look for a job
gotta get paige to mail me my check
gotta get the rest of my stuff from austin
gotta fight
gotta fly
gotta crow


June 21st, 2010

08:47 pm: im so damn corny
man i fucking love carl sagan. the way he talks is so plaintive and genuine that when he talks about the human race, whats inside all of us, it just rings so true. hats off to you carl. i wish you werent dead and i wish more people would have listened to what you have to say. its so sad that some people have been talked down to in such a way that anything sciencey puts them off. if anyone were to read this i hope they could just take in these two videos and practice the feeling for just one day. just one day could make a difference


two videos

June 16th, 2010

01:46 am: fucking school bull shit! i got droped for not paying the fee that i was never told about fuck this shit forever after a bunch of appealing i still didnt get back in. i dont even want to go into it because ive been over this so many times. seriously fuck this

in other news puckers is officially the most boring fucking place of all time. i sat there for 3 hours tonight with no conversation watching 8 tvs on mute on sports. i was with eric and zeek and i was absoulutly desperate for something to do i even considered spending two bucks on playing big buck trophy hunt. its in the middle of a spread out shopping center with the prerequisite zales and pottery barn lol i have no idea why we went but whenever i ask they just say its because we know the bartender and he hooks us up. hooks us up? with free olives maybe. that guy dosent treat us any diffrent that anyone else there. im almost glad to move in with my parents. i dont know how much longer i can take this shit, its two guys doing their best impression of average 9 to 5ers.

ill never understand why people drive minivans. ill never understand why some peoples live goal is to live in a high priced suburb on the outside of town. or why their whole goal in life is to make it as uninteresting as possible. how can people play halo?? thats like waiting in line at the dmv! i dont get it, maybe i never will

June 15th, 2010

10:14 am: this ones a little hazy but here is what i remember. i was at a ranch out in the middle of nowhere. i got there by zooming into it from a satellite picture like google earth. on the ranch i was hiding out from the police because of the graffiti crimes that i had committed. while i was there i was hanging out with matt with red hair and i cant remember what happened but he didn't really do anything that bad, i dont remember what he did but i got really pissed at him and just started stabbing him. i didn't stab him anywhere that would kill him because i knew i was overreacting and i didn't want to hurt him that bad but i did stab him about ten times in the arms legs and face. i felt so bad for it in the dream but i couldn't help myself i just flew into a rage after i was done ezekeil walked into the cabin and was like what the fuck whats going on here. he didn't know what to do and i didn't really explain what was going on here but there was an awful lot of blood here and matt was covered in it. i made him wash off in the sink and promise not to tell anyone. i kept saying that i didn't know why i did that and i hope we are cool and stuff. he was really cowed and didn't say much, just kept his head down and washed off. he kept trying to leave and go home but i wouldn't let him because i thought he might go to the police so i made him stay to hang out. we watch a movie about what just happened and Stargate mixed together and while we are watching it i Google stabbing dreams to find out what that meant. the article that came up said that stabbing your friend in a dream was usually about something in real life that was fucked up lashing out at you but you cant do anything about it so in your dream you stab someone when your emotions flare up. that made a lot of sense to me because of the whole school payment thing that happened that day in the waking world. i couldn't do anything about it because of whatever ( next post). i cant remember what happened after that but i was outside and pruitt comes running up and tells me that the government has tried my tea and they love it plus they are ordering a huge amount and want to put it into production. obviously this solves all of my money problems even though in the back of my mind im still a little worried about matt leaving. so i make up some tea and put it on the red train that goes through the property. it kind of looks like the metro rail but small and shitty like the train at the zoo or the carnival, also its being driven by the fat ass whole who teaches at my school. away the tea goes but bloody matt is still there and he is talking to my friends in a circle. when i walk over they all stop talking, it was obviously about me. cant remember what happens at this part but later we are going to the veterinarian school which is taught by the old lady cpr teacher. she takes us to a holding pen where she says are panthers. i go in first but the panthers are really three toed sloths. (sooo goofy looking ill draw one later) big over bite and big teeth the one with coloring like a German Shepard is crawling over my head eating my dandruff and the one with long white fur is really liking pruitt but all the others seem to really like me in particular. i cant really remember that much after this but i just remember that as cute as the sloths were they kept telling me that they have six inch claws that can rip you up just like that knife


June 10th, 2010

03:01 pm: i cant really remember how this one started but we pulled up to nanny's house in the woods. and she met us outside, lots of laughing and greeting in this washed out old house. i was with my family and some other family of american descent. they wore baseball caps and fanny packs + Bermuda shorts. i dont recall much of what happened in the house but after i helped nanny find the milk in the fridge we started laughing and joking and more joking and it all made sense. the narrator starts saying stuff like and thats when i realized that he wasn't dumb just from another time, (wonder years stuff) our relationship gets better. i go up to grandpas room,not my grandpa, and he i laying down in the bed covered by blankets and stuffed animals. i think he is dead but he says something. suddenly two little kids run in and start making a mess throwing stuff on the mantle around. they take the rocks that were carefully placed off the dresser and throw them out the window. i say to them those weren't rocks those were memorys. they dont care but it makes them quieter. i tell grandpa about the story of the old house where they used to live and how i saw a ghost there. the kids dont believe me but he does and he respected that ghost and he says that theres a ghost in here too. the kids dont believe either.we finally go downstairs but no one wants to leave as we are saying by to gma and gpa. i think we are overstaying our welcome but no one seems to notice. all of a sudden these long strands of webs come down from the trees, millions of them, everybody looks up to see millions of tarantula coming down the webs.obviously everybody freaks and runs for the cars. this is the work of ghosts. i see the john Goodman looking dad crushing a bunch of them in his hands. now that i think about it the spiders kind of looked like bad 80s special effects. some were real but a lot didnt move right i think they were rubber. we all get inside our cars and leave. the ghosts tricks worked.
we drive across vast landscapes. an orange sunset lake. a blue mountain lake. silver desert at night. on and on and on tell we get to a green man made lake the size of a foot ball field in a small stadium like for high school football. next to the field is a small alligator pen like in sea world. in the lake are people, but these are not everybody just the "extreme" athletes aka some cool kids.our familys sit on the sidelines to watch. there are large creatures under the water but i cant really see them. i look at my bench and see a plastic tube pinched and a little bit more heavy on one end. just for a laugh i throw it into the water. it belly flops and nothing happens. we all laugh but the tube fills with water but keeps a little bit of air in it so when it goes under it shoots back out again on its own. its like a sine wave. it gets higher and higher. everybody is amazed and i like it so much that i swan dive into the water. i get "the thing" and swim over to the cool kids to hang out. under the water green clear water are huge manta-rays and sharks and whales but im not scared. i think it looks awesome. the people im hanging out with all think my thing is really cool and we play with it for a long time. some of the girls are really cute punker type chicks. we are there for a long time just hanging and playing with the thing. we are really becoming very fast friends these people get me. my dad comes over to talk to me. he says "i know you were going to emt school. a lot of rich people have high school degrees, a select few ceos have college degrees but the president has one for sure." i take this to mean that he isnt ok with where im hanging out but whatever. one of the guys asks me if i like otters. i say i dont really that i like the thing a lot more and throw it into the water. he looks a little disappointed and brings out an actuall otter holding it like a baby. i have to admit its really cute so i pet it for a while before they let it into the lake. i party with these people for a long time and they let me into their world of made up extreme sports. like skimboarding backward around very twisty oiled roads while pulling a guy on a snowmobile behind you. very dangerous but very fun. we party every where. an orange tinted beach other tinted areas and places and i always bring "the thing". finally we are at this two story washed out beach place similar to gmas house. its not though its a bar kind of place. everybody is all depressed because my grandmas dying and im not at the funeral. we are all super drunk and i cant show up like this. one of the girls shouts that she would have gone but then one of the other ones says no you wouldn't. we put on this movie on the projector and it is basically my dream from start to finish only i dont know it at the time. me and everybody else are completely taken in by the movie. we think we are living in it. the dream goes through the story i just wrote down and when it gets to the end where everybody is fighting about how the grandma named marco is dying, i step out on the screen and just say "my name is marco and i wrote this movie" as huge typewriter buttons are superimposed on the screen at every word i spoke. and all of a sudden it clicks with everyone that it was just a movie and then i wake up

June 2nd, 2010

02:48 am: im the very last live journalizer....

May 25th, 2010

12:03 pm: i was partying with a bunch of girls when i walked in on this black guy having sex with like 4 really hot girls. when he saw me i think he got embarrassed and walked across the street to go "water the plants" so i started talking to the girls hitting on them and we decided to go to a party. when i get there Danny Trejo opens the door and helps with the beer. i get a little star struck and start talking to him about things and we end up saying how much we love the tv show Tonto which is better than the lone ranger any day. everyone is getting pretty drunk and trejo decides to show us a trick with a dog where he pours lighter fluid on it and lights it on fire, he says its like a work out for the dog because his lungs have to work harder to breathe and this makes him stronger. he also believes that this dosent hurt the dog. im totally sickens by this but kinda scared to fight trejo and i dont want to get beat up in front of all the girls. he lights the dog of fire and i start talking a lot of shit like how would you like it if i set you on fire this and that fuck you blah blah blah. after a few seconds somebody puts the old dog ( small and very old with fur like the Cheetos guy) and i start pushing Danny around telling him he is fucked up and i used to like his movies but now i think he is a piece of shit.i throw lighter fluid in his face and he pushes me. we end up getting in a fight and at one point while im on top of him trying to punch he opens his mouth really wide to scream and i punch him in the back of the throat. he gets very defensive and says he used to think i was cool too but now im just an over reactor. dom and pregame show up at the party and i tell them what happened. i just realized that the party was in the backyard of my house where i grew up. they dont really have an opinion but i tell them about dmt and they dont really understand. they think it is something that will mess up your brain and wont listen to me about how it isnt. inside the living room is a class room where i watch tonto for a while. eventually alot of people come in including trejeo so i go outside. its night and some rave/racing cars pull up playing loud rave music and throwing squishy glow in the dark dog toys everywhere. after a minute zeeks ranger pulls up and andy, zeek, dom, michal julian. and some others get out of it. i say whats up to them, tell them about what happened and me and trejeo help with the beer. inside is the elementary school teacher from my work. she tells me that two people have informed her that i have changed and am not the same anymore. that im way weirder. she says that its probably what was in that dmt. i try to tell her that i have never smoked it before its just in my backpack but she dosent belive me. i tell her that i suspect dom and pregame and she says it wasn't but i know it was. i go back to watching Tonto and i look over at danny and he throws me two pillows since im lying on the floor. apparently he isnt mad at me anymore so i say thanks. then i woke up

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